I think I sometimes fancy myself as the head of an international conglomerate, conquering the entire publishing world. I say “I think” because deep down I know that this is not the name of my game, but every now and again I fall into a trap behaving like a huge CEO. Do you get my drift? Let me explain.

Over the last few days I once again got terribly worried about sales figures. Yes, I am in second print run with my first Peirene baby but still a few hundred copies away from breaking even. So I became obsessed with sales figures. Why isn’t the book selling more? Look at this or that book. It’s selling heaps although it’s totally crap. Worry about sales figures was starting to do my head in. Added to the loo roll stress of last week, life wasn’t looking great at Peirene Headquarters. I then topped it all by deciding to break into the American market NOW and started talking to a US distributor who indeed listened to me. I was terribly flattered and felt that perhaps I was after all the head of a great conglomerate. So I rang up a colleague who actually runs a bit of a big firm, at least compared to Peirene, and suggested we two together should take on the US market. Baldrick couldn’t have made a more cunning plan, my colleague most subtly hinted. Then she mentioned the costs and the work involved.

I put down the phone and went for a run on the Heath.

I can’t remember if I had any deep thoughts on the run. I doubt it as I felt terribly unfit (because of all my anger and stress I hadn’t gone for a  run in a while) and was busy just keeping going. Back in front of my computer, I clicked on a lit blog I had come across two weeks ago. I had contacted the blogger to send him a review copy of Beside the Sea. From his profile I knew that he is a 24-year-old doctorate student at Oxford and sure enough his first reaction when I told him about the book was “I’m not convinced, a book about a mother killing her two children is my cup of tea” To his credit, however, he agreed to receive a copy. To my credit, I sent him the book, although I knew it was a shot into the dark. And then I clicked on his blog. And read a fantastic review (scroll down to March 2nd). The best of the lot so far. The blogger was totally honest, describing how, for the first two or three pages, he was taken aback, not liking it, but then had to completely change his mind. Reading this review made me incredibly happy. I pondered on that for a while. Then I realized why. Someone had given this text, a text I adore, a chance and the benefit of the doubt.

Had I been busy conquering the USA, I wouldn’t have had time for the initial email exchange with this blogger. And he probably would never have read the book and I would have never had the pleasure of reading his blog. And on the risk of sounding cheesy, I say it nevertheless. I realized then and there that happiness - and success - lies close to home and not in the USA.

P.S. But don’t get me wrong – my plan is still to make it onto the Elle cover.